Shale

[ If by any chance you've been wondering where that bizarre golem has been for the past month, we are here to inform you that she has been on a very important mission. ...Important to her, anyway.

When the feed cuts on, the video shows Shale's upper half, and for all appearances it looks as though she just emerged from... well, the ocean. Water is dripping and draining from her various cracks and crevasses, and an assortment of seaweed and other plastic ocean debris seem to be clinging to her. Still, her ridiculous appearance doesn't seem to be dampening her otherwise serious expression, as she has very pressing matters to address: ]

Some time ago, I overheard a discussion that mentioned [ shudder ] flying fish, and when I went in to investigate I found... nothing! Nothing at all! It was completely devoid of life! ...Aside from me, that is.

I have little experience with bodies of water, so correct me if I am wrong, but are there not supposed to be fish in them?

I don't care either way for the creatures, but I admit I am curious to know what could have caused it. With any luck, perhaps the birds will meet the same end. Oh, I can picture them now, falling from the sky, splatting on the ground, bursting into flame perhaps! The possibilities are endless!

After spending thirty years in Honnleath doing nothing but observing the menial tasks of fleshy humans, it was a habit that Shale did her best to avoid these days. However, her curiosity often managed to get the best of her despite herself, and this was just such an occasion. The fact that the two nearby humans were using a game to settle some negligible dispute wasn't too out of the ordinary, as humans often resorted to methods that would allow them to avoid damaging their soft exteriors.

No, what was concerning were the rules of this game, and she simply couldn't ignore them. After standing for a while, observing and trying to understand, she finally decided to step forward and, ignoring the startled looks of the two humans, bluntly presented her case.

"Explain. I don't understand how it is that paper could possibly beat rock, when rock is clearly superior."

This was the last thing they had expected to hear from the golem, apparently, and it showed. Stunned, one of the humans launched into an explanation that while rock could crush scissors, it couldn't crush paper because it was already flat, see--

Irritated, Shale waved a hand to cut him off, heaving an exasperated sigh. No, that simply wouldn't do, she decided, and she set about trying to come up with ways to repair this flawed game of theirs.

"Surely there is something it could use instead of paper that would be more appropriate? For example, how about rock-pigeon-scissors? Rock crushes scissors, scissors stab pigeon, and pigeon covers rock in it's infernal crap--"

As she spoke, her irritation over such a sore subject was apparent. The horrified looks of the humans were what caused her to stop. More off putting than her rising anger was how serious she was about the matter, and they were at a loss whether or not to take the golem seriously. Brows furrowing in further irritation, she changed tact.

"Very well. Run along and grab it's beloved paper, and we shall see how it fares when it tries to cover me with it."